Thank God for everything that you have done.

Thanks for sending me angels in my life.

Let Your love over flow me.

I need You Father.

shit happens

You know something _______(someone who gives a shit about it),
I never got the time to write some of feelings about rejection and some depression that I had to go through while I was in Taiwan and still am at the moment. I mean I didn’t expect that I would get broken heart once again… but I guess we are all humans and have to be broken by the end of our day!

I think I am still suffering through my past experiences! I mean I ask why? maybe is because I haven’t learn to forgive people or maybe let go of the past. I think a part of myself am still living for the past. I guess I am not really aiming to do anything better? I don’t know at all. I really want to get healed!Ii feel so broken.

Okay… to say one thing is that while I was on the program to study some mandarin I made some friends but then by the end of the program a lot of different people had different opinions about myself… mainly because they didn’t understand about some things that I have done. I mean the thing that hurts me the most is that they were a few that deleted me of facebook… it was mainly those that are still in Taiwan at the moment.

I mean maybe I wasn’t such a good friend? but I don’t know. I think it hurts a lot for me but I think it will make me stronger? I don’t know… because sometimes I think that I am not that friendly enough?

Okay so this last Sunday the pastor talked about approval addiction! I could relate to that very well! I am like that at times!!! YIKES>… I need to really know and believe what is my true identity in Christ!

Maybe I need to really surrender my life to Christ and really rely on HIM for everything! I mean I am still on my road to understand the true purpose of this life. I want to be encouraged about life. I don’t want to be upset anymore about the past situations…

I write this at the moment because I was about to wish a happy birthday to a friend named Elizabeth Huang but then soon found out that she also deleted me… I think it was like two days ago? Yah… maybe I can’t call her a friend anymore… I didn’t know that this would happen… what can I say? things happen… or should I say shit happens??? I mean we talked some after the program was over… but then… this is what I get! I am not really understanding anything!!!

Yah… these are some of my feelings at the moment. There are times that I wished I could erase the past? But I can’t…. it is done and I have to deal with it daily! Well… I just hope that I could really MOVE ON!

Prayer: Father, will you please be my healer now and ALWAYS? Please… I want to be reminded of Your unfailing Love to me :D

—
with love,
Esther Chuang (莊主愛)

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

Today was a good day!

I can’t complain about some things… they happened because for some odd reason!

I woke up around 8ish… got ready for church. I don’t know I wasn’t really looking forward for anything today… because last night I wanted to stay out! I couldn’t so I had this huge argument between my parents and grandma. YIKES! AGAIN!

So by the time I hung off the phone, I was suppose to sleep I couldn’t sleep at all! So I watched a horror movie… I don’t think that helped me to sleep… so I was up till 4ish and woke up at 8ish…

Okay… leaving home was like YES! FREEDOM… I don’t have to worry about people at the house nagging me to do things? Or like… eat eat eat sleep sleep sleep… I mean to tell the truth that’s all I do for this last month!!!

WOW> you might think my life is good? LOL… maybe? Yah… it is more relaxing now! YES! But sometime it gets to the point where I think WOW… I have NO purpose in life? Because I am not doing anything worthy of my time!!!

OKAY… so I went to church and was surprised to meet some peers.

I talked to Claire Ho for a bit about her work and Taichung, then met Dionne from Singapore a very smart girl who is in Taiwan for one month for vacation, talked some to Peggy about approval addiction, then I had a good conversation with Odette from South Africa who she has a cousin that works with hotel management! JESUS THANK YOU FOR GUIDING ME!

After church service I had GBS… a very great spiritual family for me. I met Mary from Chicago, funny girl with lots of energy!

OKAY!

Then I had dinner with family! We all sat together and ate dinner. My uncle didn’t come because he was “BUSY”. IDK.

I think I was very upset for that! Because it was Mother’s day and I had to PAY quiet a lot to have dinner at a very fancy place!

Yah… the food was good! It wasn’t that bad! I ate a lot! I don’t know why! It was pretty spicy too…
but overall so so tasty!

Thank You Peggy for recommending that amazing place!

Anyways, something that bothered me during the dinner time was that grandma and aunt kept and kept asking how much does it cost and how many dishes did you order… what else? yah… that was been discussed for quiet a long time! I was about to go crazy!

But then thankfully cousin spoke out about why ask so much… it doesn’t matter! EAT!

Yah…

But then… I did my best! I didn’t know what else I was going to do… I mean I didn’t know what to buy them… is not like if I buy something that I like or something that I am interested they will happen to like it! They are too Taiwanese! I am like a real tourist!

OKay… then coming back home we all ate cake, tried to watch a movie…

But then I went to the night market and got some stuff done there and kind did some shopping!

To end the day I ate shaved ice cream with taro and red beans! YES!

SO yum… more calories to me!

Prayer: Jesus, thank you so so much for loving me and reminding me that I am special to YOU!

I don’t need to living this life of regrets anymore. I got YOU by my side and wherever I go you are holding very close to YOU.

I pray BLESSINGS over my family! REVIVAL TO SCHOOLS IN TAIWAN!

I pray for the family here that they will slowly soften their hearts and see that YOU ARE REAL!

I need more of your LOVE! Fill me up with Your amazing Grace! May I spread Your love to the whole world!

Thank YOU so much for what you have done on the cross!

—
with love,
Esther Chuang (莊主愛)

where have i been...

It has been awhile!
But I have been blogging at different places.

The new one that I have is this one:

http://bellaestella.tumblr.com/

and before this was at:

http://purelove-10.xanga.com/weblog/

Kindness

One day a woman was walking down the street when she spied a beggar sitting on the corner. The man was elderly, unshaven, and ragged. As he sat there, pedestrians walked by him giving him dirty looks They clearly wanted nothing to do with him because of who he was -- a dirty, homeless man. But when she saw him, the woman was moved to compassion.

It was very cold that day and the man had his tattered coat -- more like an old suit coat rather than a warm coat -- wrapped around him. She stopped and looked down. "Sir?" she asked. "Are you all right?"

The man slowly looked up. This was a woman clearly accustomed to the finer things of life. Her coat was new. She looked like that she had never missed a meal in her life. His first thought was that she wanted to make fun of him, like so many others had done before. "Leave me alone," he growled.

To his amazement, the woman continued standing. She was smiling -- her even white teeth displayed in dazzling rows. "Are you hungry?" she asked.

"No," he answered sarcastically. "I've just come from dining with the president. Now go away."

The woman's smile became even broader. Suddenly the man felt a gentle hand under his arm. "What are you doing, lady?" the man asked angrily. "I said to leave me alone."

Just then a policeman came up. "Is there any problem, ma'am?" he asked.

"No problem here, officer," the woman answered. "I'm just trying to get this man to his feet. Will you help me?"

The officer scratched his head. "That's old Jack. He's been a fixture around here for a couple of years. What do you want with him?"

"See that cafeteria over there?" she asked. "I'm going to get him something to eat and get him out of the cold for awhile."

"Are you crazy, lady?" the homeless man resisted. "I don't want to go in there!" Then he felt strong hands grab his other arm and lift him up. "Let me go, officer. I didn't do anything."

"This is a good deal for you, Jack," the officer answered. "Don't blow it."

Finally, and with some difficulty, the woman and the police officer got Jack into the cafeteria and sat him at a table in a remote corner. It was the middle of the morning, so most of the breakfast crowd had already left and the lunch bunch had not yet arrived. The manager strode across the cafeteria and stood by the table. "What's going on here, officer?" he asked. "What is all this. Is this man in trouble?"

"This lady brought this man in here to be fed," the policeman answered.

"Not in here!" the manager replied angrily. "Having a person like that here is bad for business."

Old Jack smiled a toothless grin. "See, lady. I told you so. Now if you'll let me go. I didn't want to come here in the first place."

The woman turned to the cafeteria manager and smiled. "Sir, are you familiar with Eddy and Associates, the banking firm down the street?"

"Of course I am," the manager answered impatiently. "They hold their weekly meetings in one of my banquet rooms."

"And do you make a good profit from providing food at the weekly meetings?"

"What business is that of yours?"

"I, sir, am Penelope Eddy, president and CEO of the company."

"Oh."

The woman smiled again. "I thought that might make a difference." She glanced at the cop who was busy stifling a giggle. "Would you like to join us in a cup of coffee and a meal, officer?"

"No thanks, ma'am," the officer replied. "I'm on duty."

"Then, perhaps, a cup of coffee to go?"

"Yes, ma'am. That would be very nice."

The cafeteria manager turned on his heel. "I'll get your coffee for you right away, officer."

The officer watched him walk away. "You certainly put him in his place," he said.

"That was not my intent. Believe it or not, I have a reason for all this." She sat down at the table across from her amazed dinner guest. She stared at him intently. "Jack, do you remember me?"

Old Jack searched her face with his old, rheumy eyes "I think so -- I mean you do look familiar."

"I'm a little older perhaps," she said. "Maybe I've even filled out more than in my younger days when you worked here, and I came through that very door, cold and hungry."

"Ma'am?" the officer said questioningly. He couldn't believe that such a magnificently turned out woman could ever have been hungry.

"I was just out of college," the woman began. "I had come to the city looking for a job, but I couldn't find anything. Finally I was down to my last few cents and had been kicked out of my apartment. I walked the streets for days. It was February and I was cold and nearly starving. I saw this place and walked in on the off chance that I could get something to eat."

Jack lit up with a smile. "Now I remember," he said. "I was behind the serving counter. You came up and asked me if you could work for something to eat. I said that it was against company policy."

"I know," the woman continued. "Then you made me the biggest roast beef sandwich that I had ever seen, gave me a cup of coffee, and told me to go over to a corner table and enjoy it. I was afraid that you would get into trouble. Then, when I looked over, I saw you put the price of my food in the cash register. I knew then that everything would be all right."

"So you started your own business?" Old Jack said.

"I got a job that very afternoon. I worked my way up. Eventually I started my own business that, with the help of God, prospered." She opened her purse and pulled out a business card. "When you are finished her e, I want you to pay a visit to a Mr. Lyons. He's the personnel director of my company. I'll go talk to him now and I'm certain he'll find something for you to do around the office." She smiled. "I think he might even find the funds to give you a little advance so that you can buy some clothes and get a place to live until you get on your feet And if you ever need anything, my door is always opened to you."

There were tears in the old man's eyes. "How can I ever thank you," he said.

"Don't thank me," the woman answered. "To God goes the glory. Thank Jesus. He led me to you."

Outside the cafeteria, the officer and the woman paused at the entrance before going their separate ways. "Thank you for all your help, officer," she said.

"On the contrary, Ms. Eddy," he answered. "Thank you. I saw a miracle today, something that I will never forget. And... And thank you for the coffee."

She frowned. "I forgot to ask you whether you used cream or sugar. That's black."

The officer looked at the steaming cup of coffee in his hand. "Yes, I do take cream and sugar -- perhaps more sugar than is good for me." He patted his ample stomach.

"I'm sorry," she said.

"I don't need it now," he replied smiling. "I've got the feeling that this coffee you bought me is going to taste as sweet as sugar."

Life can be hard for a long period of time, right?

August 27, 2009 11 PM

Life can be hard for a long period of time, right?

I am starting to understand that I am not the only one suffering at this moment. There are a bunch of people feeling worse pain than me every day… that I don’t know how to describe the pain that they feel. The only word that I can think of is HURT.

I understand and sense that there are lots of peers out there going through some rough times whether they are social, financial, religion, family, school, or health problems.
I must say that those peers are all hidden somewhere in this universe. I believe that most of them are going through life as like there is nothing bad going on at the moment or just pretending that whatever is going on in their life is fine.

I don’t know. I don’t know what the deal of life is anymore.
You know I hear lots of different stories how people kill themselves. I must say that I did think about it. I am not going to lie. But right now I understand that life is precious and why should I even try to bother to think of taking my own life if some other people are trying so hard to survive for another second of their life. Plus God did give me this life for a reason.

Yes, the pain might seem unbearable but I know after I can overcome this… the reward will be much greater in Heaven. I must comprehend that God is giving me all this for a reason which is to bring Glory to Himself. I must confess that I haven’t been a very good girl? I don’t know… I am such a sinner… I need lots of forgiveness!

I won’t be ashamed of it anymore… because the way to learn the true meaning of life is to learn from my personal mistakes… Jesus, I truly thank You for forgiving me each day and really looking at me as Your one of a kind daughter!

I want to be fire up by the Word of God. I want to really be fascinated that the Most High Power loves me very and very much. It is really incredible when one puts that thought in their head and think about it… It can go really deep and deep. GOD IS LOVE.

I must understand that my problems are not as big as other people. Yes it may seem that I am suffering but I need to constantly remind myself that it is not the end of the world!
Dear Father, I thank you for the amazing grace and mercy that You provide for me daily.
I thank You for giving me this life of mine. I know that there are times where I will complain about some things in life because it hurts me emotionally, mentally, or sometime physically.

Please forgive me. Please give me an understanding heart and mind to all this!
I plead that Your Holy Spirit will work at my family’s lives. Not only mine but many others out there! I want You Father to change the poor attitude that I have or people in general have!
I praise You for all the creation and the great talents that You provide in each of our lives.
AMEN.

love one another.

Love One Another

Love one another, but make not a bond of love.Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.Fill each other's cup, but drink not from one cup.Give one another of your bread, but eat not from the same loaf.Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone.Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.For only the hand of life can contain your hearts.And stand together, yet not too near together.For the pillars of the temple stand apart.And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.Khalil Gibran